It's probably both
The drills won't be wasted, but of course it is possible (maybe probable at this point) that my equipment is an issue. One of the issues is trying to take a lot of different perspectives on a lot of different issues (and also, being sadly ignorant in so many areas--but wow, learning a lot) and figure out what to act on first, second, third.
If it's a gear issue, it seems simple to just "go to a reputable bootfitter and get it fixed/buy the right pair of boots." It's good advice, and while $800 for new boots because the old ones are total unsuitable in the worst case makes more sense than spending 20 days on the snow in boots that are unsuitable.... The issue is finding that reputable bootfitter--I'm working with both my local shop, which I eschewed for a much bigger, ski specific store in Calgary for this boot purchase. I think unfortunately the specific fitter I got in Calgary was not in the zone and/or didn't do an amazing job on the initial fit there--beggars can't entirely be choosers, because I only drive through Calgary a few times a year. And, while I have endless enthusiasm, and will seek to fix this (even at the cost of a new pair of boots as necessary), marital harmony and just practicality means that I am not just going to hop on a plane tomorrow and fly to the best store in NA and get it all fixed tomorrow.
I have thought about
@markojp 's comment several times re: ankle flexion, and have talked to a physio (have another sport specific physio appt booked today), checked whether I can flex my boots, and it's tough for everyone, you all included, to know whether I have restricted motion or whether that video was not representative or whether I've never learned to ski right or whether the boot is at the wrong angle or the bindings or...
I really appreciate the feedback from everyone. I, more than anyone else I am sure, would a) like to get the gear sorted perfectly and b) stop sucking quite as much at skiing