• For more information on how to avoid pop-up ads and still support SkiTalk click HERE.

Mike Thomas

Whiteroom
Industry Insider
Joined
Nov 12, 2015
Posts
1,194
A woman is at home washing dishes, she looks out the window and sees a huge gorilla in a tree in her yard. She runs to the phone to call her best friend, she asks the friend what she should do. The friend says "call a gorilla exterminator." She thinks thats sounds ludicrous, but decides to see if such a thing exists. In the Yellow pages under 'G' she finds an ad... so she calls. An hour later an old beat up van pulls up to her house and an old man gets out. He's got a dog on a heavy leash and a shotgun. After the home owner comes out, he asks the woman "can you shoot a gun? My assistant called in sick today, so I need a little help." The woman says "sure, I've fired shotguns." So the old man says lets go see the problem.
They walk to the back yard, the old man gazes up and says "he's a big one... OK, here is the plan. I am going to climb half way up the tree and shake the tree vigorously, the gorilla will fall to the ground, where the dog will disable him by clamping his jaws onto his genitals. Then I will tranquilize it and get it loaded into my van. Problem solved." The woman says "that sounds like a foolproof plan, what's the shotgun for?" The old man pauses for a moment and then replies "sometimes I run into a smart gorilla. If he shakes me out of the tree- shoot the dog!"
 
Thread Starter
TS
AmyPJ

AmyPJ

Skiing the powder
SkiTalk Tester
SkiTalk Supporter
Joined
Nov 12, 2015
Posts
7,835
Location
Ogden, UT
Ok, you gotta ask for this one.

- Why don't they use lawyers for stamps, anymore?
I don't know, why DON'T they use lawyers for stamps anymore?

I need to dig up some of my own funnies, too.
 

Tricia

The Velvet Hammer
Admin
SkiTalk Tester
Joined
Nov 1, 2015
Posts
27,298
Location
Reno
59766_326297254159335_1514344058_n.jpg
 

skibob

Skiing the powder
Skier
Joined
Jan 5, 2016
Posts
4,268
Location
Santa Rosa Fire Belt
Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

Q: What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand."

Not one hand went up . . . . so she took them home and ate them.
 

Monique

bounceswoosh
Skier
Joined
Nov 12, 2015
Posts
10,561
Location
Colorado
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape?

A: (elephant)(grape)sin[theta]

I am currently wearing a shirt that says

KNOCK KNOCK
RACE CONDITION
WHO'S THERE?
 

David Chaus

Beyond Help
Skier
Team Gathermeister
SkiTalk Supporter
Joined
Nov 12, 2015
Posts
5,529
Location
Stanwood, WA
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”
 

Sponsor

Staff online

Top