I don’t think your first hunch about the shell is off. Every shell has a membrane, outer fabric, and inner fabric all laminated together.
Gore, Gore Pro, and NeoShell are all different membranes, with the prior two being more like a stretched, thin sheet. NeoShell is electrospun, which ends up looking kind of like uncooked ramen noodles and is more porous.
But Polartec is unlike other membrane suppliers because they’re a fabric supplier and they sell the laminated trio as a set. If I'm buying a generic PU membrane, as a product developer, I can put any weight, weave, or knit on both sides of the membrane. But with Polartec, there's a catalog with the set fabric options and color options. Wind resistance is also a reflection of which membrane you use (stretch vs. non), whether your fabrics are knitted or woven, and whether you've got a lightweight NeoShell fabric that's ~80gsm or a heavier one 200+ gsm. Polartec noteably only offers knit interior fabrics. Knits use less thread and create a circular pattern with more "holes" for air to pass through (think of a warm, chunky sweater where the wind can still cut through). Wovens interlock like a basketweave and can be much denser. Goretex's C-Knit series is literally just a knit inner fabric that helps them hit that "lighter, softer, quieter, more breathable" claim.
Goretex just sells their membrane, but they have a lot of licensing requirements. For example, Pro can only be sold to customers with a 40+ denier face fabric and particular woven inner fabrics. But within the "regular" Gore lines, you'll see more a lot more variation in terms of fabrics, weights, weaves, and yarn twist compared to Polartec's catalog. Goretex is Goretex with low air permeability, but what the PDs decide to laminate on both sides of it will influence your experience with the garment.
In terms of whether the 1cfm rating on NeoShell is something you'll pick up on, there are a few things to consider. Namely, NeoShell themselves calls their fabric "wind resistant." But also the lab testing is standardized for the "average atmosphere" in terms of temps & relative humidity (70 deg, 65%). Skiing temps are much lower, and since cold air cannot hold as much moisture, the relative humidity increases. Totally possible that your experience may differ than the lab data and/or others' experiences with the same garment. Also, softshell fabrics tend to test between 5-10cfm, which I find to be a good reference point in evaluating whether 0.1cfm vs. 1cfm would be substantially different.
Totally understandable that the Strafe Alpha isn't helping. Both the insulation and the face fabric are extremely air permeable. Personally, I like a very air permeable insulating layer and to rely on my shell for wind & waterproofing. Vapor already has a tough time crossing most membranes on the market, and dense or coated wovens that provide wind protection only add obstacles to keep moisture from escaping the jacket. But given the cost considerations mentioned above, it's still a solid idea. But overall your kit can be exaggerated layers of mesh designed for the sweatiest of recreationalists. The good news is there are a plethora of products at a wide variety of price points that will help you out.