An engineer and a lawyer walk into a bathroom and use the urinals. The engineer finishes up his biz, zips up and walks out of the bathroom. The lawyer, perplexed, rushes to wash his hands and scrambles after the engineer. The lawyer says " Hey..when I was in law school, they taught us to wash our hands after using the washroom." To which the engineer responded, "In engineering school, they taught us not to piss on our hands..."
Two Coloradoans are walking down the road and they see a dog licking his balls..the one Coloradoan says to his buddy "Man, I wish I could do that.." To which the first responds "Well you could try but he'd probably bite you..."
An American walks into a pub in Galway and asks the barkeep "what's the fastest way to Dublin?" The barkeep asks "are ya' walkin' or drivin'?" The American responds "we're driving." The barkeep says "well, that'd be the fastest way."
Philpug: [the man behind him in line is talking loudly] What I wouldn't give for a large ski sock with binding screws in it! Philpug: [to audience] Whaddya do when you get stuck in a lift line with a guy like this behind you? Man in Lift Line: Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion? It's a free country! Philpug: He can give it... do you have to give it so loud? I mean, aren't you ashamed to pontificate like that? And the funny part of it is, Richard Spademan, you don't know anything about Richard Spademan! Man in Lift Line: Oh, really? Well, it just so happens I teach a class at Sierra Nevada called "Bindings, Release and Retention" So I think my insights into Dr. Spademan, well, have a great deal of validity! Philpug: Oh, do ya? Well, that's funny, because I happen to have Dr. Spademan right here, so, so, yeah, just let me...
[pulls Spademan out from behind a nearby poster] Philpugr: come over here for a second... tell him! Richard Spademan: I heard what you were saying! You know nothing of my work! You mean my whole fallacy is wrong. How you got to teach a course in anything is totally amazing! Philpug: Boy, if life were only like this!